I reading about how you meet people' s needs.I am so grateful you do, you have met so many of my needs, even desires I didn't know I had. You have mad me happier than I ever thought I could be. Even on my worse physical pain days, when I'm wondering how I could be of use to you, I am still filled with joy. Because there was once a time I laid in the same state thinking I was alone and didn't count.I was just existing. Now I know better, you have freed me to see your love for me, and it's not about perfection, or about what I can do for you. You have shown me your deeper desire is to be with me closer than a husband and wife. But, this does not a physical doing, this takes a deep trust. Lord, I know trust you to a point, but I know you want me to go deeper. You know the struggles I have with trust, so I give that to you and ask for your help in this area of my life. You've given me the desire. Now help me trust you, give me Jesus faith in you.
Lord I know my need for you, but it breaks my heart, and I'm not even sure what to say to someone who doesn't see their need. I know people who love life just the way it is. They don't have regrets, life right now is the only life you get, but that's cool cause they love their life. But, when they do think there might be a God, your distant and uncaring.( one joke made: you don't think He roles dice up there to see what to do in our lives next) That is so sad. It may have been a joke, but he really does think of you as distant, at the times he thinks you exist. He confuses me. Well, you know his heart, I know your working with him. Forgive me for being impatient. Who am I to be impatient with you. You don't work on our time table. Your timing is always perfect. Just as you are perfect.
Lord thank you for answering the prayers the prayers of of everyone who prayed for me, as well as my prayers, for my health are. I am so shocked and excited. My Dr.s listened to me finally. And, it looks like my instinct was right. Actually, I have to thank you for pointing me in the right direction, I was looking in the wrong direction and you redirected me right away. Thank you thank you. And, thank you for giving me a couple Dr.s that finally heard me. My parents were great too, supporting me as I test my body on a different dose, realizing I've done a lot of research, and been on the med 40 y, and know what my body does on different doses. Turns out I was right too. But, now Lord I have to wait till I get back to town to get the exact dose. So, I'm a tiny bit over instead of 2x over the dose. I'm so excited, because I know I will start to feel better. But, it's not good for me to get excited. I have no adrenaline or immune system, so when I get excited I get sick. Usually it's not a prob. But,I'm a family reunion, I don't want to be rude and go off and read the Bible all weekend.
So, help me to carry your peace and calmness everywhere I go, as the joy of your Spirit flows through me. It trips me out how joy,Joy and happiness and excitement are different. People don't realize it, for sure physically. Joy makes me feel all warm, safe and secure, excitement and at times even happiness makes me sick to my stomach. At least the joy is lasting, the excitement is not. This is because joy comes from you the everlasting God, excitement happiness is feelings from this ever. changing world.
Thank you for being so consistent!